i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
