My sheets look like a crime scene.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
