I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
