Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
