The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
