He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
