VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
