New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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