we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
