he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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