Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
