Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
