I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
