I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
