youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
