I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I think a kid would responsible me up
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You pole danced in your parka.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
