He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
