Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just took my morning after pill in the library
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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