i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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