Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
