thus making me awesome and them whores
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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