just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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