Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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