peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize