i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I smell like Dick and happiness
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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