I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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