They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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