Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
