Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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