My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Randomize
