I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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