Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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