I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
