She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
