how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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