Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
