Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
