Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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