Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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