so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
