I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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