So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
