you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
