Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
