just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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