I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
