all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
