margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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