just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
