genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
