if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
