I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize