Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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