blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
