im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
