You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Your penis caused this!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
