Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
my liver is dry heaving
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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