Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
