I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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