I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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