I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
