Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
