remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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