After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
