I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
