she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
she peed on how many people?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
