I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
