I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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