I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
