Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
smell my finger.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Randomize
