u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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